Simple Solutions Clichés – “Why don’t you just…?”

 

Disclaimer: This is an opinion and experience-based article. I’m not a textbook expert on any of the topics I discuss, nor am I trying to advise anyone on how to handle their own stalking situation.
 

Please also note that I mean no disrespect to law enforcement in my critique of how my situation has been handled. I was raised to put a LOT of trust in the justice system, and that desire hasn’t left me. But I’m losing faith in it.
 

Simple Solution Cliché #1: “Why don’t you just block your stalker?”

Oh, gee, I never thought of that, and you’re certainly not the 56,000^th person to suggest it. Thank you so much for this novel insight. I’ll give that a try.
 

The Reality: Blocking my stalker is a key component of my approach to the situation. It has been for years. But if that was all it took to make a stalker stop, stalking wouldn’t be such a massive problem throughout the country and world.
 
Blocking isn’t foolproof, especially with how often my stalker is shuffled between jails. Coupled with the typical unwillingness of the people overseeing his case to disclose his location, I can’t always preemptively block phone calls from his jail. Sometimes, it’s beyond my control.

Other Ways Stalkers Get Around Blocks:

• By using Google Voice/burner apps. Whenever my stalker isn’t in jail, I receive idiotic messages from numbers I don’t recognise. It always starts between jail stints, then stops whenever he gets locked back up. He seems to think he’s a creative genius for knowing how to use burner apps, as if the entire fucking world is unaware of their existence and won’t figure out that it’s him.

• By having other people contact their victim(s) (I’ve received unwanted correspondence from my stalker’s mommy and fellow inmates)

• By using other means of communication. My stalker is infamous for sending snail mail, even when he’s not in jail. The state authorities won’t arrest him for it, despite his awareness that I feel harassed and intimidated, and the feds dropped the only charge he ever faced for mailing me letters against my wishes.

• Many stalkers will track their victim down in person if they can’t reach them by phone, potentially putting the victim in even more danger. In America, the cops treat blocking as the magical solution to stalking, and if you fail to do it, they tend to victim-blame. British authorities take a much different perspective, with some police agencies even advising victims to mute (rather than block) their stalker. I think this is infinitely safer and smarter, because I do worry that if my stalker can’t harangue me from a distance, he’ll forcefully subject me to his presence (he’s not going to be in jail forever).

Simple Solution Cliché #2:”Why don’t you just ignore your stalker?”

I’ve been ignoring my stalker for years. I have not communicated to him, directly or indirectly, since 2022, other than to tell him to leave me alone and to reiterate my desire for no contact in response to unwanted correspondence (something the police advised me to do before yelling at me for “feeding into it” by responding, LOL. Can’t fucking win!).
 

Much like blocking, ignoring a stalker isn’t foolproof. I believe it’s the absolute right thing to do in most cases, but stalking cases are not the same as conventional harassment cases, where the perp eventually gets bored and goes the hell away. My stalker’s behaviour only escalated over time, and being ignored only seemed to make him even more determined to force his way into my life. Ignoring him is still the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make the stalking stop.
 

Stalkers are dedicated to accessing specific victims, and their behaviour is an all-consuming lifestyle. Stalking isn’t just what they do, it’s who they are. They are not just being annoying for shits and giggles, to pass the time, or because they have nothing better to do. Ignoring a stalker therefore runs the unavoidable risk of prompting that person to try tracking their victim down in person.

Simple Solution Cliché #3:”Why don’t you just change your phone number?”

I could, and I probably would if he was calling me every three seconds, since I doubt the police would do anything about it. But as I’ve stated before, I do not believe this would make the stalking stop, especially because I have already been stalked by non-electronic means. It would be one less way for my stalker to reach me, but I am 100 percent confident that it would inspire him to seek alternative ways to stalk me, which would most likely equate to more in-person activity.
 

My stalker has driven thousands of miles to stalk other victims. I live a lot closer to him than those victims, and I think it’d be downright stupid and dangerous to gain a false sense of safety by changing my phone number and thinking the problem is solved. To be honest, I think it’s reckless that the police treat this as a fix-all solution to stalking.

Simple Solution Cliché #4:”Why don’t you just go to the police?”

If you come from a world where you believe that you can simply ask the cops to help with a problem and they automatically will, that’s not your fault. But that’s not how it usually works (at least in my experience). The police generally won’t act unless they believe that a crime is being committed, which requires taking your case seriously in the first place. And getting a cop to take your case seriously often requires jumping through stupidly insurmountable hoops to prove that you’ve done everything you can on your own to try making the stalking stop. And when you prove that much, the police seem less willing to believe that the stalking could possibly still be a problem.
 

On the few occasions when I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with an officer who truly does seem to care, it doesn’t mean they can spring into action and open a case. Law enforcement has been unable or unwilling to investigate a lot of the correspondence I receive, including physical letters and messages from suspected burner numbers.
 

I’ve also struggled to get the police to investigate my stalking case because they know that my stalker has a federal case, and that I had some involvement in that case. When I express a desire for a state-issued order of protection, cops tend to look at me like I have three eyes and say something to the effect of “so go tell the feds.” I’ve been bounced between law enforcement agencies like a ping pong ball, and none of them seem to want to deal with the situation.